How to Deal with Mean People
Step 1
1
Recognize that you have control. You may not be able to control that person’s behavior, but you can control how you respond to it. Sometimes, people are mean just to get a reaction, you can control whether they get it or not. You are in control of how you react and where the situation ends up.
If this person is from work or school, you may not be able to avoid them all the time; however, you can try to avoid them during breaks, and just try to stay away from them for as long as you can so they won’t bother you.
Try fighting the negative behavior with positive behavior. Go out of your way to be nice to them and create a better interaction.
Step 2
2
Respond with compassion. There may be a deeper issue that the mean person is using negative behavior to hide. Sometimes, the biggest bully is the one that has suffered unthinkable abuse elsewhere.
Meanness may appear as frustration, irritation, or impatience. If you spot any of these, you could say “Looks like you could use a break. Why don’t we take 5 minutes?” or “Is there something I can help you with?”
Taking the time to get to know them may clear up some things for you. Maybe you’re just taking things too personally or maybe they’re just misunderstood.
Taking a compassionate approach can help to show them that you actually see the person and not just the behavior.
Step 3
3
Practice assertiveness. Assertiveness means standing up for yourself and your needs while also respecting the needs of others. At some point, you might encounter a mean person who doesn’t respond to compassion and you can’t simply take the “high road”. In these types of situations, it’s best to be straightforward and let the person know that you will not allow yourself to be walked over.
For example, you’re at school, another kid might bully you into doing something you don’t want to. Make eye contact and tell them “no” using a calm and steady voice. You may have to repeat this a few times, but eventually they’ll stop.
Step 4
4
Acknowledge how the person makes you feel. Being within proximity of a mean person often requires proper armory. You know, at some point, the individual might throw something vicious your way. Feel the emotions that come with being around such a person. Don’t push these feelings away or act as if they are irrelevant. Name them.
It’s easy to dismiss your feelings but this isn’t really fair to you or the mean person. You just end up bottling things up that some point might explode.
Addressing your feelings might give insight as to why this is happening. Does your reaction fuel the fire and give the mean person more reason to pick on you? Sometimes, mean people target others because they want a reaction.
Step back and observe how the mean person interacts with others. Is the behavior only happening with you or is it how he or she generally acts?
Step 5
5
Attend to your pain. Care for yourself. Do a self-soothing exercise. Preparing yourself for a necessary interaction can also help to take some of the sting out of what he or she might say.
Breathe deeply and make positive affirmations to calm yourself. Getting upset will only encourage the mean person to continue their behavior.
